So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
