Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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