I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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