too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
