It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
