i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
