Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
