I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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