A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So vagazzling was a success
Randomize
