And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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