so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
