he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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