I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
