im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
