I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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