best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
