I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
