my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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