she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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