sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
