Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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