she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
