Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
