Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
