he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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