I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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