I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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