I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
