you traded sex for a burrito?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
