So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
