an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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