Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
