All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
