I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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