dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
