My hand turned me down
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
