My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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