i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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