nut hugger
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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