Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
