I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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