she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My hand turned me down
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
