you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
