She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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