It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
