as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
