Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Found the puke drawer
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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