sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
