Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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