dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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