I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
