apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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