the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
