stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
