they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
